can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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