Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
