I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
