I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
