I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
