What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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