Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He did a backflip because drugs
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