HIV tests are more positive than that guy
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
