THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
