so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
