Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
