whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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