the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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