I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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