I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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