So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
BRING THE BAGELS
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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