fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
