our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
