Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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