I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize