I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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