just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
