I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
