Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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