yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize