Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
