STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
