so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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