I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
