He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
