I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
