Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
