four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Randomize