The brown eye won't let me do that either.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
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