Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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