You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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