i just sent this text using only my big toe
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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