friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
