They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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