college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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