What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
