no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
