I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
