did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
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