the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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