I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
