can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
