Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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