Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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