If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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