if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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