I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
sex in a hospital.. check
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
