My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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