New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
