I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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