What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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