So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
