dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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