woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
