he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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