all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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