i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
