so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
